after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize