what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
