the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
this just has baby written all over it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
