oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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