Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
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