Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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