So drunk its hurt
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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