I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
