i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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