I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
