The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
