If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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