the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
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im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
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yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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