Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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