none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
