I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
