Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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