Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
3 2 1 whiskey
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
