he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
