Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
