i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Pants are for mortals
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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