Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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