hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
