Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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