I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I cockslap morals
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
