New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
