Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
