I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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