So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It was confusing and full of hummus
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
