I got chris browned last night
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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