i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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