Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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