I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
