hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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