My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
