if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
