I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
