I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
