Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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