She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
