So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
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It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
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What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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