I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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