You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
