you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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