Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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