Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my poor anus
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
