he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
