Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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