i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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