You made me cry and you don't even care
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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