i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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