Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
