a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
