that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
