i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
