oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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