I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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