Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
