I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
