'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
How external is "for external use only"?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
