And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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