Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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