you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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