why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
